Phone tree systems suck, and some ideas to fix them

November 22, 2007

I’ve had two frustrating phone calls with directv today which brought to the fore all the things I hate about dealing with phone services.  Every time I call up places that I regularly call, I’m forced to

1.  Press “dos” if I “desea espanol”.

2.  Tell the friendly attendant robot what my needs are, like “tell me about your specials” or “tell me how much money I owe you”.

3.  Enter in an account number or phone number

4.  Wait as a robotic voice reads it back to me

5.  Press or say “1″ or “yes” if correct, etc.

6.  Wait while I’m connected to the appropriate department

7.  Repeat my same account number to the person I was just transferred to

8.  Give other identifying info (last 4 of social, etc).

I had a car financed through Chrysler, and they had things a bit better.  Once you’d identified yourself, they associated your account number with your phone number, so when you called the second thing (after the ‘choose spanish’) was “we think you’re calling about account number xxxxx, is this correct?”  That saved 30-60 seconds off each call compared to other systems I normally have to deal with.

DirecTV, I *JUST* called you back from the same phone number I called from 4 minutes earlier.  Can you not keep my ‘preferences’ (english, account number, etc.) in your phone system and reroute me accordingly?

Also, I *HATE* the notion of ‘talking’ to the voice activated attendants.  To get a balance on my car loan, I just wanted to hit ‘4′ on the phone, or whatever I need to (like I used to with Chrysler) instead of now having to say outloud “payoff balance” or “late payment” or whatever the magic words are to get me the info I want.  I do not want people around me knowing what my needs are.  By forcing me to speak in English phrases, as Chrysler did by taking away the ‘press 4′-type options, I’m *forced* in to either calling back again (bad experience for me) or going to an operator (forcing them money) and taking longer on the phone (to find a semi-private place to do my business).  We do not all just sit in home offices with small piles of nice bills with fresh-baked bread in the background like in magazine and tv commercials spouting the conveniences of ‘online payments’.  I’d imagine there’s a few of us, like me, who  do these sorts of things from mobile phones at work or lunch or wherever.

Customer service departments, if you’re going to migrate to voice recognition technology, offer a separate line which just has numeric phone trees for people who know what they’re doing, sort of like express and/or automated checkouts at the grocery store.  I don’t *want* to talk to anyone (human or otherwise) - I just want to press 4 buttons and get my info.

Lastly, give people a short passphrase to type in which would identify me based on my phone number, and bring me back to where I want to go.  If I call my bank regularly from my cell phone, I should be able to call up from the cell, type in a 4-6 digit code, and just have my balances read to me, or whatever standard stuff I want.

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